Do you find yourself being gaslit by your partner, friends, or family often and would like to tackle this behavior but are unsure how?
Responding to gaslighting can be tricky, as the nature of gaslighting is to manipulate reality and convince you that what you see, think, experience, and believe is not true or real. In situations like this, the strongest tool you can use is using boundaries when and if possible. Limiting access physically, emotionally, mentally, and energetically is a powerful way to respond to gaslighters who require contact with you to attempt to manipulate your reality effectively. This isn’t always possible, so outside of boundary setting, when you recognize gaslighting behavior, you can, according to Meghan Watson, psychotherapist.
Use the grey rock method: This tool is commonly used against abusive behavior and essentially suggests decreasing your reactions to gaslighters by becoming as uninteresting as “a grey rock.” When you are triggered, or you recognize gaslighting in action, instead of responding in your usual emotional (justifiably so!) manner, you can take a step back, minimize your reactions, become a “grey rock” by limiting disclosures, information exchange or responses that would capture the attention and interest of the gaslighting person.
Collect evidence: To some gaslighting folks, tangible hard evidence may not dissuade their behaviour. But it can be helpful to counteract their attempts at psychological manipulation by checking the facts and seeing hard evidence against their tactics. It can also be a reminder for yourself that you are capable of making your own decisions and forming your own beliefs.
Address the gaslighting head-on: Confronting people who gaslight others can be a stressful and scary experience, especially if there are risks and dangers associated with confronting abusive behavior. It is not always safe to confront people who have and continue to harm others with their toxic ways of relating. Only you can determine what feels safe to confront or not. If it feels right to do so, clearly stating that you are not available to negotiate with people divested from reality or letting the gaslighter know that you will not tolerate their manipulation expressly can feel empowering. It may also help start the process toward effective boundaries and healthier relationships.
